27 May Bring Back the Magic in Your Relationship
There is so much more we can get out of the relationships in our life, discover some ideas on how you can deepen the connection and experience more closeness and satisfaction in your relationships. Yes, it involves effort and creativity, but I promise, it will be worth it.
Some of us get lazy when it comes to our relationships, we take people for granted, we lose curiousity and without effort things can get dull. Or we are constantly seeking stimulation by criticizing or arguing. Or we avoid thinking about our partner much at all, or hold back our truth to not stir any feathers.
Educating myself on relationships I was shocked at how bad I was doing and how much more I could get out of the relationships in my life if I would take more responsibility and make more effort in creating closeness. What about you?
Get Curious and Honest
Curiousity, being honest, and working through conflict are important elements in creating more closeness in relationships. We find satisfaction in our relationship when we are discovering more about each other. An argument can create the space for transparency when it comes to desires and needs. When you’re aware of your frustration take a good look at what you truly desire beneath that frustration AND TALK ABOUT IT. Recognizing and articulating your deeper needs transforms conflict from a repetitive struggle into an opportunity for growth and closeness. Instead of complaining about your partner watching TV or scrolling, simply make a request, something as simple as: can I get some attention my love? Or I need a cuddle, can I have one?
Without clarity of wants, and openness in expressing desires, relationships tend to go through the same issues over and again. According to the Gottman Method, many couples struggle because they don’t understand or respect their partner’s dreams, values, and philosophies. We don’t know how to communicate effectively and we are not making enough effort to get to know what our significant other wants and likes. Or, we are so invested in what we want and need, that we cannot see beyond that.
Here are some tips to find out what it is that you want and need, and how to create more intimacy in your relationships.
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy involves being open and vulnerable with each other, and sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings. This means listening and being present without judgment, letting go of the need to comment or express your opinons. Prioritizing and nurturing each other’s emotional well-being is what makes the relationship sturdy and strong. Get vulnerable by sharing your fears, dreams, desires, and insecurities. Embrace each other’s true selves without trying to change the other. Apply curiosity and compassion over judgment, and see your relationships thrive.
Spiritual Closeness
Spiritual intimacy is about connecting on a deeper level, and sharing beliefs and practices that are meaningful. You can practice meditation together, or share a quiet, mindful moment to appreciate the wonders of the universe. We create more spiritual intimacy by understanding and respecting each other’s spiritual or religious values. We can deepen the spiritual connection by discussing life’s big questions and existential topics with openness and acceptance of differences.
Intellectual Closeness
Intellectual intimacy is about connecting through shared thoughts, ideas, and mental stimulation. Think about thoughtful discussions and debates. Learning together, whether it’s through books, documentaries, or courses. Avoid the need for your partner to agree with you for you to feel safe, it’s okay to have different ideas and opinions. Celebrate each other’s individuality and experience more closeness in return. Discover how the other thinks and processes information, we are all different. Allow the other to share their knowledge and wisdom to support you. We all have unique strengths.
My husband helped me to create clarity around my finances, and despite my background in finances and taxes, it was very helpful to discover his approach. A part of me thought that I could have come up with this myself, but it saved me a lot of time and energy to tap into his knowledge and experience. Be humble and allow the other to help you.
Experiential Closeness and Intimacy
Experiential intimacy is created through shared experiences and activities, another way to have quality time and moments where you create memories together. You can think of exploring new places and cultures. Trying new activities or hobbies or going on adventures together as well as creating rituals and routines that are meaningful.
Joyful Intimacy
Joyful intimacy is not only about sharing moments of happiness and celebrating achievements, it’s also an invitation to find more humor and joy in everyday moments. Be more playful, silly, and light-hearted. Life can get challenging, make sure you encourage and uplift each other regularly and to laugh and have fun!
How to get started
Stop being lazy and drop lame excuses about being busy and tired. A happy relationship enhances every area of life. Plan a weekly date night, and have sex before you go out (so you are not tired) to create closeness with your partner. That is a perfect start for most. On that date night, you can discuss what type of intimacy would enhance your relationship. You can focus on one topic per week, and discover the benefits as time progresses. Create a regular routine and plan things in your busy schedule! The same goes for friends and relatives, take the initiative and get creative.
The relationship with yourself supports all your relationships
And last, but not least, to access this level of curiousity with each other, it is very helpful to feel good within ourselves, doing what we can to get the stress and tension out of our system to enjoy each others presence. Mindfulness, yoga, meditation, healing your past, recalibrating your nervous system, time in nature, it all helps to relax and be open to enjoy more of what the relationships in your life have to offer.
So, what can you do today to experience more depth and satisfaction in your relationships?
I would love to hear from you, feel free to Whatsapp me at +34 627937513.
With love,
Lydia