19 Oct Find Clarity Through Deep Self-Listening
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the “shoulds” and “coulds” bugging you—those persistent voices telling you what’s expected, what you should do, or what you could be doing? These thoughts cloud your inner clarity, create overwhelm, fuel procrastination, drain your energy, and make it hard to hear the quiet, powerful voice inside that holds what’s truly important.
I have an inner bully. This voice tells me all day long what I have to do, what I need to be doing, what I haven’t done yet, and what I’m forgetting. It’s loud. Thoughts like “I have to go to the gym, I need to buy groceries, I should call that friend back, I’m falling behind on work, I need to cook, I didn’t do enough today, I’m forgetting something important, I need to be more productive, I am running late, don’t forget the laundry, I could be doing more”—all day long. I am getting tired just from reading this back! Can you relate?
In a world filled with noise, distractions, and external expectations, how do you tune out all this chaos and connect deeply with what is truly important? Let me guide you through the process.
Step 1: Create Space for Silence
Find a place and time where you can tune out the world momentarily. In the stillness, you start to hear something you haven’t connected with for a while—yourself. The first step to deep listening is consciously making space for quiet, where no external opinions, demands, or voices can enter. Whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or simply taking a walk in nature, allow the noise to fall away and notice what bubbles up when the distractions fade. I like to do a gentle yoga practice, meditate, and ask myself the question: “Hey there, how are you?” You will be surprised how happy your inner world is with that question.
Step 2: Recognize the Noise for What It Is
The shoulds and coulds are often just echoes of someone else’s voice, disguised as your own. Think of them like fog on a mirror—well-meaning advice from family, societal expectations, social media, or beliefs you’ve picked up along the way. They cloud your vision, but they aren’t you. It’s time to clear that fog. When you hear yourself thinking, “I should be doing this…” or “I could have done that…”, pause and ask, Who says? Does this really come from your heart, or is it coming from somewhere else?
Step 3: Feel Your Way Forward
Once the noise starts to quiet, your subconscious begins to speak (or show you visions)—soft, but clear. It speaks in feelings, intuition, and that deep sense of knowing. This is your true self coming through. Ask yourself, What would make me feel alive? What gives me energy or excitement? Even if it doesn’t make sense, trust that.
Step 4: It’s a Process
Listening deeply to yourself is an unfolding process—one that requires you to trust your intuition over the loud shoulds and have to’s. As you continue to practice this, your path becomes clear. You’ll recognize which goals, desires, or projects have energy behind them and which ones are just distractions or obligations that do not resonate anymore. It’s about finding that sweet spot where you know you’re on the right path, not because someone told you to, but because you feel it with every fiber of your being.
Step 5: Align Your Actions
Once you’ve listened deeply, it’s time to take action. This is a gentle push forward, without forcing things to happen. Be patient. Take one small step. Then another. You’ll notice that when your actions align with what you deeply care about, the universe has a way of making things fall into place and you will access more energy and resources than you could imagine.
Bonus Tip: Release Resistance to the “Have To’s” in Life
Now I can already hear you say: Great, BUT, there are so many things I HAVE to do. There is a simple technique to make this easier for you. Instead of saying, “I have to,” say, “I choose to… because I want to…” When faced with dread, ask yourself: “How can I make this life-enhancing?” Instead of acting out of fear, guilt, or obligation, what if you focused on how the task can contribute to my growth or well-being, or benefit others?
For example, instead of thinking, “I have to do the laundry,” reframe it as, “I choose to do the laundry because I want to have fresh clothes and create a clean, peaceful environment for myself.” When you feel dread creeping in, ask yourself: “How can I make this life-enhancing?” Something like, “Doing the laundry gives me a sense of order, and wearing clean ironed clothes makes me feel confident and comfortable. It’s a simple act of self-care that contributes to my overall well-being.”
This mindset shift transforms negative emotions into a sense of purpose, meaning, and motivation. While you always have the choice to skip the “have to’s,” that choice comes with consequences. You can either navigate those consequences or make the mental effort to find the deeper purpose behind the task, which brings more ease.
Close the Gap Between Noise and Clarity
I invite you to create a moment this weekend to silence the noise, set aside expectations, and listen. What is that one thing you’ve been longing to prioritize but haven’t because of all the shoulds and coulds? What lights you up, challenges you, and feels aligned with your true self?
With deep listening, trusting yourself, and letting go of the noise, you too can create a sense of personal fulfillment and more energy in life.
If this resonates, I’d love to hear what comes up for you when you give yourself space to listen.